How do you feel when no one understands you?
What do you do when no one understands you? If you’ve ever felt this way, that people didn’t understand you or what you feel God has called you to do, I want you to imagine how Jesus must have felt when many of the very people he came to help not only misunderstood him, but openly opposed him. There’s a lot for us to learn from the way he dealt with this.
Pretend you were in the local synagogue in Nazareth on the Sabbath Jesus came back to town after being out in the wilderness for 40 days. You can read this whole story starting in Luke 4:14. Jesus stood up to read from the Scriptures.
You had known Jesus as a boy. He was a good kid, always obedient to his parents, and kind to everyone, but there had always been something different about him. You just couldn’t put your finger on it. You never quite understood where he was coming from.
It was like he was on a different wavelength. So here you are listening to him read from the book of Isaiah,
“The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” Luke 4:18, 19 NIV (quoting Isaiah 61:1, 2)
You had heard that passage read many times and always found it comforting, but today when you hear Jesus read it with such depth of understanding, it seems like the verses are actually coming to life as he reads them.
People didn’t understand Jesus
A reverent silence lingers long after Jesus finishes the reading. Something profound has just happened, but you’re not really sure what it is.
Everyone is staring at Jesus trying to figure out what’s going on and he simply says,
“The Scripture you’ve just heard has been fulfilled this very day!” Luke 4:21 NLT
Well, the atmosphere in the room shifts. Jesus talks about some of the prophets healing people who weren’t Jews and the synagogue leaders overreact. All of a sudden people are shouting. Dust is flying. Jesus starts to leave; the crowd is pushing him toward the edge of a cliff, but somehow Jesus slips away.
Deep in your heart you know Jesus was trying to share something incredibly important and profound. He said the Scriptures were fulfilled that day. If that means what you think it means, Jesus is saying the Messiah is here.
That’s almost too good to be true.
It seems like the religious leaders just couldn’t hear it because they couldn’t handle it. They didn’t understand what Jesus was saying. And they certainly didn’t understand he was indirectly announcing himself as the Messiah and that those prophecies from Isaiah were being fulfilled, in that Jesus would be the one to check all those boxes: proclaim the good news, proclaim freedom to prisoners, and the blind being healed.
When no one understands you, it can’t stop you from being you
But just because people in general didn’t understand Jesus or his mission, that didn’t stop Jesus from being who he was and doing all he needed to do to fulfill that mission.
And this can be so comforting. When no one understands you, your purpose, and what you’re trying to do to fulfill it, it’s helpful to remember Jesus met the same kind of reception, or lack of it, but he stayed true to who he was.
Fortunately, Jesus did find and choose a few people who could understand him to some degree and would be a support to his mission.
This also is a comfort, to know that if it there’s no one right now who really understands you and what God has called you to do, there will be a time—and it doesn’t have to be way off in the future—when God will put someone at your side who does understand and can support you and your calling.
Waterskiing versus scuba diving
Several years ago my wife was frustrated that a particular person just didn’t understand her at all. This person had no idea how deep my wife went with new ideas, creativity, and spirituality, but only saw her on a very surface level.
I finally said to my wife that you can’t expect someone who is waterskiing to understand what was deep under the surface of the lake that only a scuba diver could see. That helped put a lot of things in perspective
Metaphorically, my wife is a scuba diver. She dives deep into ideas and loves to explore a world unseen by people who live only on the surface of life.
It’s a little ironic that the people who are skimming over the surface, waterskiing their way through life look like and sometimes think they’re having all the fun. They have no clue, and little interest, in diving deeper to find the hidden treasures under the surface of things.
You can play his metaphor out a bit. There are people who are just in the boat and don’t even get in the water. There are people who may do some snorkeling. Others may stay on the dock and never go in the water at all. Some people never come down to the lake in the first place.
You can add your own examples however you’d like, but the point is when you go scuba diving and you talk to someone who has not been scuba diving, they won’t understand what you’re talking about when you describe it to them. Some folks may show some polite interest, most will keep on doing what they do and not even be able to hear or understand what you’re saying, but there actually may be a few who get excited about the possibilities of scuba diving, taking a deeper dive into life.
When no one understands you, don’t force anything
Those are the kind of people Jesus chose as his disciples, people who had not gone scuba diving, so to speak, but were excited by the possibility of going deeper into life..
When no one understands you, don’t try too hard to make it happen. Don’t try to explain what you see as a scuba diver to someone who’s just skimming the surface of life. If they don’t get who you are, they don’t get it.
Jesus warns us about trying to share what is most precious with those who don’t understand it.
Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. Matthew 7:6 NIV
This may be an extreme example. I wouldn’t think of the people who are just waterskiing through life as dogs or pigs, but the spirit of what Jesus is saying here comes to the rescue when we follow his guidance.
When no one understands you, ask God to show you who will
Jesus took his own advice. He didn’t try to convince the people who didn’t understand him and were opposed to him. He focused his attention on the people who would listen and try to understand him, beginning with his immediate disciples and branching out from there.
This is a really good example for you and me. Instead of trying to get someone to understand you who doesn’t, ask God to show you who is receptive, who will understand you and your purpose, and be supportive.
Don’t be surprised when some doesn’t understand you. Don’t get upset. Jesus faced exactly the same thing in his ministry. He was grateful for those who did understand even in part who he was.
Once, when it was clear, even to his disciples, that the crowds really didn’t understand most of what Jesus said, they asked him,
“Why do you speak to the people in parables?” Matthew 13:10 NIV
Jesus responds,
“In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah: “ ‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving. For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.’ (Isaiah 6:9, 10 Septuagint) But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.” Matthew 13:14-16 NIV
When no one understands you, thank God
Another time Jesus actually thanked God that some people didn’t understand his message or believe in him.
At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Matthew 11:25 NIV
I wrote an article about this very verse called Being Grateful when People Reject Your Purpose. Let me know if you find this helpful.
If you are getting a clearer and clearer sense of who God has made you and what His purpose is for you, you are going to come across a lot of people whose ears cannot hear you and whose eyes cannot see what you see.
Finding (and not finding) people who do understand you
So what do we do? Find the people who can hear and understand and see who you are.
But what if you’ve tried and haven’t found anyone who can hear and see who you are and what you do?
What do you do when no one understands you, your deep thoughts, and your purpose. They’re preoccupied with things that aren’t that important, at least to you.
But you want to be understood. You want to be seen and heard. And you kind of want some recognition for having these amazing ideas and inspirations that have come to you. You need some support and someone to share the ideas with, and maybe even someone who has similar ideas you can be supportive of.
That’s exactly how I’ve felt from time to time over the years, especially before I got married. There were times in the past when I felt so alone in the world with no one to share my deep thoughts with. Okay, once in a while there were a couple of folks I could talk to—but until I met my wife-to-be there just weren’t many times I could go as deep as I wanted to in a conversation.
Sometimes the people who knew me best on the surface knew me the least on that deeper level.
As a result there have been times when I felt so lonely and isolated.
When no one understands you, be grateful God does
One day, it was years ago now, I wrote about this in my journal. I complained to God that I didn’t have any deep friendships, that hardly anyone understood me or even noticed how much I had to give to the world.
My complaints about not having friends turned into a prayer for deep, meaningful friendships. For several weeks and probably a month or two, I found comfort in writing in my journal like this, confiding in God, asking for help, and praying for guidance. But I still didn’t have anyone in my life I could share with on the deep level my heart was yearning for.
Then one day, while I was in the middle of writing in my journal, God interrupted me and said basically, “I will be your friend. Quit looking for friendship in others until you get to know Me better. I will be your friend. And you will be My friend. Let’s see where that takes you.”
That was a total game changer. I started writing in my journal like I was having a conversation with God. I would write my part of the conversation in script and I printed what God said to me.
It was wonderful to share my deepest thoughts, fears, and hopes for the future with God in this way. And I was often astounded at some of His replies to my questions, frustrations, and concerns.
God does understand you and your deepest thoughts
One day, I was explaining in great detail my hopes for the future and some pretty big ideas for what I felt God was calling me to do. I wrote several pages, to get it all out, but I realized I was really trying to get approval from God for wanting to accomplish all these things.
And very gently, God put everything in its proper perspective. He said to me: “James, you don’t need to explain all this to Me. You don’t need to get My approval or permission from Me. I’m the one who gave you these ideas in the first place. And I’m the One who’s going to help you accomplish them.”
What a breath of fresh air! I felt understood and seen on a deeper level than I ever had before, and more than any person could give me.
When no one understands you, focus on your relationship with God
I started focusing more and more on my relationship with God. I knew in principle that He understood me, but now I was experiencing this in my daily life by the way He responded to my questions and concerns. And by what He revealed about Himself to me and what He revealed to me about me.
What I really needed was to know God better and myself better before I was ready to have the kind of friends who could understand and appreciate me better.
If you struggle with feeling lonely you might enjoy an episode I did a while back, Episode 256: The Biblical Cure for Loneliness.
When no one understands you, or at least it feels that way, I encourage you, first to nurture your relationship with God because He understands you better than anyone else ever will or can. God made you the way you are. In fact, God understands you better than you understand yourself. He created you and gave you a purpose.
And once you have a better working relationship with God, where you know and feel He understands who you really are, it’s time to get to know yourself better the way God knows and sees you.
You can’t expect any person on earth to know and understand you if you don’t know and understand yourself.
The “world” will never understand you
I love this passage in 1 John which emphasizes that who we really are as children of God often prevents the worldly minded from knowing us this way.
See what great love the Father has given us that we should be called God’s children—and we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it didn’t know him. Dear friends, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet been revealed. We know that when he appears, we will be like him because we will see him as he is. 1 John 3:1, 2 CSB
The more clearly we understand God and see Him, “as He is,” the more clearly we will be like Him and see ourselves as His children. And then we can say with Paul,
Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. 1 Corinthians 13:12 NLT
This is the most amazing thing, that God knows you. He understands you. Hold onto that. Let it sink deep into your heart and feed those thirsty places in your soul. God knows and understands you.
The desire to be known and understood by others is not a wrong desire, but it’s not the first priority. The top focus is to keep your eyes on God who already knows and understands you completely. The more you understand your relationship with God, the more you’ll understand yourself as His child and the purpose He has given you.
And even when no one understands you at this point in your life, the clearer you know God and yourself, God will put in your path, probably in the very near future, the people who will see and understand you on a deeper level.
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James Early, the Jesus Mindset Coach, is a Bible teacher, speaker, and church mentor. He conducts Bible workshops online and in person. His focus is on getting back to the original Christianity of Jesus by learning to think, pray, and love like Jesus. Contact him here.
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Bible References
Luke 4:18, 19 NIV (quoting Isaiah 61:1, 2)
18 “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free,
19 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”
Luke 4:21 NLT
21 “The Scripture you’ve just heard has been fulfilled this very day!”
Matthew 7:6 NIV
6 Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.
Matthew 13:10 NIV
10 “Why do you speak to the people in parables?”
Matthew 13:14-16 NIV
14 In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah: “ ‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving.
15 For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.’ (Isaiah 6:9, 10 Septuagint)
16 But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.”
Matthew 11:25 NIV
25 At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.
1 John 3:1, 2 CSB
1 See what great love the Father has given us that we should be called God’s children — and we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it didn’t know him.
2 Dear friends, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet been revealed. We know that when he appears, we will be like him because we will see him as he is.
1 Corinthians 13:12 NLT
12 Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
