Do you want to be a more effective dad, or know someone who does?
This week I have two guests on my podcast, Jared Haley and Chris Wilson.
We talk about how to be a good dad leaning on the Bible for guidance and teaching our kids to read the Bible and pray for themselves.
Jared and Chris are dedicated to helping people be all that God designed them to be. They are co-hosts to the Strong by Design Podcast.
And they are passionate about being good dads. You may not be a dad, but you know someone who is.
Raising kids with love
Here are some of the things we talked about
I asked Chris, “What’s your favorite thing about being a dad?”
Chris emphasized the importance of guarding and nurturing the innocence and creativity of children.
Jesus always wanted the little kids to come to him. He appreciated them.
How do you help your children hold onto their child-likeness?
Advice for dads
Don’t rush them to grow up. Encourage their creativity and imagination.
Chris told about a cartoon he saw that showed a little boy praying to be more like his dad. After seeing this, the dad prayed to be more like his son.
I asked Jared, “What’s your favorite thing about being a dad?”
Jared loves seeing some of the similarities with him and his wife and investing in what his kids are interested in. It’s a joy to read the Bible stories, and help teach them about God and how to pray. And to see them grow.
Jared and Chris both are creating strong relationships with their children as they approach the teenage years. It’s about creating trust and showing love and respect.
Favorite dad in the Bible
I asked if they had a favorite father figure in the Bible.
Chris immediately mentioned the father in the Parable of the Prodigal Son. He aspires to be that kind of dad who is always present with love in his heart for his children, even if they make life choices he disagrees with. You can read the whole parable starting at Luke 15:11.
What would you say to someone who is struggling with children who have left their families?
Jared finds comfort in this verse from Philippians:
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6 NIV
Jared reminds us all that we have to trust the Holy Spirit to guide our kids as well as ourselves.
I asked Jared if he had a favorite father in the Bible. He thought of Jethro, Moses’s father-in-law. He acted as a father figure to Moses to mentor him and make suggestions for improving his leadership skills.
He hopes his kids will come to him, no matter what the circumstances are, for help and advice, because of the love and trust in their relationship.
Raising kids with love and prayer
Jared emphasized the importance of praying with your kids.
I asked, “How do you guide your kids with healthy boundaries without stirring up resentment?”
Jared and his wife ask their kids a lot of questions to help them learn critical thinking skills so they can learn to process information on their own. They ask them what would God say or think about something. This helps their kids understand why a particular boundary exists for their safety.
If his kids bring up good ideas, Jared lets them do it.
Jared talks with his kids about how to be guided by the Holy Spirit. His goal is for his kids to ask what God would think about something they want to do.
Raising kids with love and boundaries
I asked Chris about how to set boundaries for his kids, are there stories in the Bible that help you teach them. He finds the story of David very helpful, who, even though he did some terrible things, was still a man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22; see below). That gives him hope when he makes mistakes.
Chris pointed out the importance of being humble enough to apologize to your kids when you do something wrong, treat them unfairly, or overreact to something they said or did. For him, his relationship with his kids is more important than a mistake they made.
He truly expects his kids to respect him all through their teenage years.
Challenges being a dad
We talked about some of the challenges both Jared and Chris have faced as dads. For Jared, her daughter was having panic attacks. They went to a Christian counselor to help them through it. But over it all, Jared and his wife helped their daughter learn to read the Bible and pray for herself. This was one of the results.
They focused on a lot of Bible verses that dealt with overcoming fear:
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 NIV
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Psalm 23:4 KJV
I asked Chris what his challenges as a dad are. He picked up a quick temper from his own dad and he has to work at getting past that approach to reacting to situations.
Also, he feels the lack of having his parents still living now that his kids are growing up. He has learned to show them what she was like by the way he acts.
Breaking the cycle
I asked, “How do you quit repeating the patterns of temper or anger that you learned from your own parents”
Chris pointed out there must be an awareness of the problem and then have the humility to admit the need to change. And he does feel he’s making progress, by looking at his kids as if it were him as a kid. He tries to remember how he felt as a kid. That helps him be more patient with his kids when they do something silly or inappropriate.
When you are aware of your relationship with God, it’s easier to respond when your kids do something they shouldn’t.
We need to see them in the light of the distinction Jesus made between the sheep and the goats, those who treated (or didn’t treat) people the way they should treat Jesus in Matthew 25:31-45.
What if we treated our children like they were Jesus? How would you treat Jesus as seven year old?
Parenting Jesus
What about when Jesus was twelve and stayed behind in Jerusalem. His parents were concerned, but when they found him, they didn’t really rebuke him so much as they tried to understand why he did it. Think of the way Mary and Joseph parented Jesus. We can model that. You can read that story in Luke 2:41-51.
If Jesus had children, how would you treat them? Can you treat your own children this way?
Jared points out that our children are really God’s children and we need to realize God is their parent and our parent.
Sometimes we need to work on our own relationship with God before we solve the relationship problems with our kids.
Chris emphasized how important to live in the moment and be present with your kids and your family, and be full of gratitude for them.
Jared added, “The days are long, but the years are short.”
He also says we need to take our responsibility toward our kids to help them get to know God.
Three final questions:
- If you could talk to any Bible character other than Jesus, who would it be and what would you ask them?
Chris: Shamgar (Judges 3:31) who killed 600 Philistines with an ox goad. How did you do that.
Jared: Moses and Elijah. He would like to go with Peter, James, and John to the Mount of Transfiguration. He would ask them, “Hey, what are you guys talking about?”
- Is there any Bible character you especially identify with?
Jared: John the disciple, because of the way he writes.
Chris: Probably Peter. He was tough guy and didn’t always make the best choices. He loved walking with Jesus and do anything for him and protect him.
- This podcast is about getting back to the original Christianity of Jesus. How would you describe Jesus’s original message of how he wanted us to live our lives?
Chris: Love God; love people.
Jared: Having healthy rhythms: (1) being alone with his Father, (2) spending time with his apostles, in community with like minded people, and (3) ministering to others.
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Photo credit:
Chelsey Hendricks
Chris Wilson is a lifelong fitness and health advocate with 25 years in the fitness industry.
He lives in Clearwater, FL with his wife of 18 years, Samantha. They have two kids. He loves college and pro football, coaching youth baseball. But at heart he is a family man. He loves traveling with his family, having game and movie nights. But most of all he loves following Jesus and striving to be an example for others to do the same.
Chris Wilson
Email: chris@criticalbench.com
Instagram: @coach_chriswilson
Jared Haley is a pastor and public speaker. He has a Master’s Degree in Transformational Leadership and Spiritual Formation. His passion is to help people discover how God has created them to live to their fullest in every way. He and his wife Cairistiona (15 years) live in Palm Harbor, FL and have 4 kids. He too loves to spend quality time with his family and is devoted to following Christ and helping others do the same.
Chris and Jared both work with Critical Bench, which is dedicated to helping people be healthy and fit. Chris overseas their programs and Jared is their Video Production Specialist. They are co-hosts of the Strong by Design Podcast, which brings a spiritual focus on fitness and health. Their basic premise is that because we are made in the image and likeness of God, we have been created and designed to be strong in body, mind, and spirit.
Jared Haley
Email: jared@criticalbench.com
Facebook: jaredsaria
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James Early, the Jesus Mindset Coach, is a Bible teacher, speaker, and podcaster. He conducts Bible workshops online and in person. His focus is on getting back to the original Christianity of Jesus by embracing the mindset of Christ in daily life. Contact him here.
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Bible References
Mark 10:13, 14 NIV
13 People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them.
14 When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.
Philippians 1:6 NIV
6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Acts 13:22 NIV
22 After removing Saul, he made David their king. God testified concerning him: ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.’
Isaiah 41:10 NIV
10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Psalm 23:4 KJV
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Matthew 25:35, 36 KJV
35 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:
36 Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.
